life gets a kick out of screwing with me.
the first thing about being prepared is to take the future seriously. this chick selling me a sausage and egg biscuit asked me about my tattoo. she wants to get some words inked on her upper arm and was curious. “that hurt?”
girl had good timing and a knack for meta-statements...
“nah, wasn’t bad… upper arm is gonna hurt like a bitch, though”
(yeah, you know what? today, i’m feelin it)
it’s not that taking the future seriously is causing me pain… it’s making me hurt. my heart is heavy, there’s a sinking in my stomach, but somewhere inside me i know i’m doing right. i’m the most selfish woman i know (well, almost…), and have lived these past few months as if my happiness is all that matters. so what happens when that joy, that satisfaction with life, is born out of hurt? what’s a gal to do when her fulfillment comes out of doing right by someone else?
i fought back tears today, and caring that much makes me happy. i’m actually happy, and that devastates me… like when someone smiles so genuinely and for so long that her face aches.
so, screw with me all you want, life, two can play that game… for the first time in a long time, i’ve got my head planted solidly on my shoulders while i let my thoughts float around in the clouds. i can live balanced, can be balanced… bet you didn’t see that one coming.
I could hear your voice in my head while reading this
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