karma's a bitch (and so are you)

in the past 8 days, a shitstorm has blown my way. to list it all out here would diminish its shittiness, so i won't belabor a point, but just trust. you know that season finale of weeds in like the 2nd or 3rd season where nancy ends up in the growhouse with u-turn and marvin and the armenians?


it was kinda like that

now, i recognize using nancy botwin as a frame of reference may undo the point i'm about to make, so try and focus on the picture and not how terrible she is...

i don't much believe in god, and money - as much as i love it - isn't a reliable enough deity for me. but karma, ooooooh karma... i believe in that sonofabitch because it's slapped me across the face too many times. yet somehow, i think i've confused the concept a bit to suit my needs (like any good follower), at least until recently. i thought as long as i wasn't putting any bad out in the world, no shit was gonna wash up on my shores. not only was that not the case (as a buddy of mine at work often puts it, "bitches, man"), but it was also a little passive for my taste.

today, when i came home to a healthy and happy puppy, a fixed washer/dryer combo, a $1400 set of loans paid in full, an ant-free apartment, a butt-faced kitty on the way, and news that my bff will be living not 2000 miles away but closer to 2 miles away for the next year or more, it was like good gave me a big ol slap (like a smack on the ass from someone you're happy to be in bed with). sure, i used my passive karma to get myself part of the way there- i didn't punch the guy who tried to take my laptop when walking home on lincoln a few weeks back, nor did i yell "mamaguebo" at the guy who tried to steal my cellphone just three days ago. i've been keeping my mouth shut (and sometimes literally running and hiding) instead of seeking out confrontation. but shit, i've been calling my mama nearly every day, paying my bills on time (at least trying?), and attempting to swap out my angry "motherfucker!"s with affirming "motherfucker!"s for a job well done.

be careful, y'all, i seem to be learning my lesson.

catch 20-something

i think i drink too much to take acetaminophen this regularly

i think i take acetaminophen this regularly because i drink too much

charlos

i'm getting a cat

i'm getting a cat to keep my dog company

i'm getting a cat to keep my dog company because i feel guilty when he's lonely

i'm getting a cat to keep my dog company because i feel guilty when he's lonely due to the fact that i care more for him than most living creatures

back in the day, when i liked to fight any fight for the sake of controversy, my argument was that man must have been pretty fucking lonely to invite a wolf into his home for company, and therefore pets were stupid.

yet i wasn't lonely when i got charles almost 4 years ago now. and while outside judgment and my track record this past year might indicate otherwise, i'm not particularly lonely now.

shit, in all fairness, charles is kinda stupid.

but i care about him. he loves me for food, he loves me for shelter, he loves me for warmth, and - now that i'm in this fucking unending summer of a country indefinitely - he occasionally loves me for air conditioning at bedtime. he "loves" me because i project that emotion onto his furry little face and imagine he has human feelings... but he loves me because i love him back.

i'm one of the most selfish people i know (though, to be fair, i think we're all in our own top five "most selfish people i know"... if you're not deluding yourself into some state of martyrdom, of course), yet when it comes to my dog i'll pretty much put myself into a thousand different situations from which i will gain nothing (and possibly lose quite a bit of money).

so i ask you, people-who-are-no-longer-reading-this-blog: why can't i do this with human beings?

i think it's cause they talk back. and most of the ones i've loved are crazy.